Woman goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, one minute I think I’m a wigwam, the next I think I’m a tipi.” The doctor says, “You’re too tense.”
Yes, it’s that time of year again. The season of the C word, time to drag out the canvas and corny jokes. Of course, ‘camp’ has two very different meanings. There’s the Ranulph Fiennes sense and there’s the complete polar opposite. Which is hard to define, given that Ranulph spends most of his time at one or other of the Poles, so as soon as you think you’ve discovered the polar opposite of Ranulph Fiennes it shifts to the other end of the earth.
And here’s an interesting fact for you: like fingerprints, eyeballs and snowflakes, no two tents are ever the same.
No really – I’ve researched it.
I discovered this while observing the accommodation at Latitude Festival last week, where all sorts of people could be seen grappling with all sorts of tents in all sorts of different and maddening ways. No-one could help anyone else because each tent presented its own unique challenge, and so the struggle went on in a frenzy of ferociously whippy poles and acres of fabric that could swallow a family of four for an entire weekend without anyone noticing. It was great spectator sport for someone like me, who discovered years ago that the best tent you can camp in is someone else’s.
Once they’d eventually won their individual battles, the field was a mishmash of colourful and crazy geometrical shapes, showing all the design consistency of Croydon Town Planning Department. If there was a phrase that’s the opposite of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, it would have sprung to mind.
Despite the evident dissatisfaction with tent designs, 15 million Brits go camping and caravanning each year – a staggering statistic that can only be down to one thing: the rich vein of double entendres that camping throws up.
Just ponder that while you’re grappling with your erection this summer.
