The more observant among you will have noticed that the last three words have been Abbreviation, Administration and Application, in that order. “What’s he doing, writing a dictionary?” Nope, it’s pure chance. But there is a common theme: my friend Nick, who has become something of a muse.
Last week I reported how Nick’s revelation that he had been “digging weeds” had been questioned by my friend Andrew, who protested that the correct term, surely, is “weeding”. Nick wasn’t going to let this lie, was he? Oh no! So Nick came back with this:
“Worried and confused in equal measure. I’ve just been painting, that’s putting paint on. Pauline’s about to do some planting, that’s putting plants in. So how come weeding is taking weeds out?”
A very well reasoned argument, in my opinion.
Anyway, moving on. I was updating my CV this week and it dawned on me that, other than my first ever proper job, I have never got work via the application process. Before you succumb to the temptation to make the obvious snide remark, I have made very few formal job applications: Manager of the England Football Team (three times), Manager of Manchester United (twice, about to become three) and CEO of the Post Office (in an effort to stand out and resonate with their core values, I sent it to the wrong address).
Maybe I’m shooting too high but they say if you want something bad enough you’ll get it. And in all these cases, the job being done was definitely bad enough. At least I got a reply from the FA and United. I have some nice letters filed away somewhere, outlining the reasons why my qualifications and experience weren’t ideally suited to the role of elite football manager. I thought my ASA Bronze swimming badge would open doors, but all it’s ever got me is the ability to inflate my pyjama bottoms and use them as a float.
I’d be interested in knowing how many of you have ever landed jobs through the application process. We all know that most work comes through word of mouth, who you know – that’s what LinkedIn is all about, right? So maybe we should make it a rule that you only ever have to apply for your first job; after that it’s about who you know.
So when your organisation has a vancancy to fill, rather than asking candidates to go through some long-winded application process, more than 99 per cent of which fail, you just ask, “How well do you know us?” If one applicant comes back with, “My brother’s girlfriend’s uncle plays darts with your head of HR,” and another replies, “My dad’s got Polaroids of your CEO and CFO on a night out together in Blackpool,” you can make your appointment quickly and confidently on that basis. You’ve got to nurture your contacts, kids.
So, Nick, thank you for your question. You may have a point. I’ve been trying to think of other gerunds that involve extraction rather than application of the object contained within the word, and all I’ve come up with is fishing. In most cases we put ‘de-‘ in front: demisting, delousing, defrocking.
So next time you’re in the garden, I suppose you could try a bit of deweeding. And if it works, the job’s yours, mate.
